Category Archives: Uncategorized

Gold Parent Moment, Number Who Knows?

Gold Parenting Moment!

This morning BC6 climbs into the spare bed with me. I escape there when I can’t sleep.

He looks up at the photo albums in the open wardrobe.

He asks “Mum, have you any photos from when you were little?”

“Yes, some, not many, what do you want it for?”

“We have to take something from the olden days to school.”

Bite lip. He is cute and my son so I try to hold back thoughts of copying Homer strangling Bart.

Go to robe and produce folder Mum made for myself and brother. It contains copies of photos of our ancestors.

Mum copied wedding photos of our Greatgrandparents, grandparents, parents and her brother who died accidentally when I was 3. I have added other snippets of history along the way.

I explain that Miss I is probably looking for more “olden” than old me born in 1972.

He finds his history lesson enchanting and GC8 also gets in on the action. I point out all the belongings I still have which were hand made by my great nan and pop who I was lucky to still have in my life until I was an adult. Wow, they think it’s so cool.

Thanks Mum, that folder of photos is one of the best gifts you ever gave me.

Don’t Call Me Charlie

My kids hate it when they’re having a bad day. I get all theatrical and sing them songs of happiness and inspiration.

Do you remember the song in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? You know it, “Cheer Up Charlie”. If not, here’s the link to remind you.

https://youtu.be/caMIkwTPBwA

BC6 woke up this morning in a mood to darken the brightest of days. No hugs, eye rolling practice and general moodiness and disrespect. When I likened his behaviour to that of a tweenage girl GC8 rolled her eyes and stated she’s not even that bad (not going to challenge her on that comment as I’m already dealing with one poo head). He then stormed to his room and slammed the door.

As much as I wish my kids were happy, and well behaved, ALL the time, they are small humans. We need our downs so we can appreciate our ups. Me antagonising them with songs just makes them darker and more pissed off than ever. Clearly I need to take a check of my arseholeness (new word) and stop being a bitch to them.

I don’t know why I do it. I hate it when my dear husband tries lame jokes to cheer me up. Sometimes I just want to wallow in my darkness and discontent and our children should be allowed the same rights.

As I dropped them at the school gate thus morning I called after them “Love you, have a great day” just as I do every morning.

GC8 replied “love you Mum, I will”.

BC6 almost automatically replied then caught himself and trudged off, eyes downcast until I was out of sight.

Is it me? Does he reflect the mood I am in? I am in some minor pain and discomfort at the moment depending on how long since I popped a painkiller. My house is filthy because I can’t push a vacuum or mop. This increases my anxiety and turns me into loony, frustrated, psycho mum.

Sorry little dude.

I hope your day gets much better and I get lots of hugs when you get home xx

Madly Menopausal Mum #2

When you feel flat feed it…

It’s been a bloody long time (LOL, bloody, sorry, not sorry for my personal amusement) since I’ve had to purchase the old feminine hygiene products, but I think there is still a hint of a cycle which fucks with my system.

When I’m feeling flat as a tack I feed it. Yep, iron rich lambs fry and bacon.

I possibly will not be adorning this with vegetables, possibly wont even make it to a plate, I’ll carnivore that shiz out of the pan.

As a kid I held the bowl in readiness for the livers to be extracted from the still steaming sheep guts after uncles and dad had cut a few throats. Sounds quite barbaric, but it was just farm life. 

My other job was to roll cigarettes. Three different thicknesses for three different men. I stuck them in their mouths and made sure they stayed alight.

Hells Bells! Imagine asking our precious children to do that now! They would be taken away…mmmm…taken away! 

Kids, wanna learn how to slaughter a sheep?

When Did We All Forget About the Environment?

Well shitballs! Hasn’t the new show War on Waste got us all talking about our environment?

I’m a bit bothered about this. Why? Because I thought we knew a lot of this stuff. I do, and I do my best to reduce, reuse and recycle.

Recently I made a comment on the book of faces regarding how much I despise the Woolworths Marvel collector series. Not because I am mean. Not because I don’t wont my kids to have fun. It’s because I can see the land being filled with more and more plastic the more these types of promotions occur. I get pissed off with the packaging which I often have to gently remind (yell at) them to pick up from the floor and put in the landfill bin. I wonder what I will do with this collection when the novelty wears off. After all, every kid has them, they are of no value, I can’t sell them. There is the possibility of passing them down to a younger child who probably wont want them because the hype is over. 

You might be thinking don’t let them get them Shauna, you are the parent. Well clearly I suck at parenting. But that’s for another post.

The chatter this week is the takeaway coffee cup. Boy has this raised some conversation. Did you know technically we can recycle those cups, except, we can’t. The sippy lid, you go for it. Throw it in the recycle. The cup looks like paper, feels like paper but it has a fine coating of polymer to stop the liquid seeping through. There is no processing plant for these, perhaps we could create some jobs by building a recycling plant.

My Morning Coffee

I knew this. I separate my lid from my cup when I toss it. I make this choice. I am a shit human, or am I?

Many cafe’s have offered the option of filling your environmentally friendly reusable cup for years. Not many people take them up.

Why? Because we are lazy or busy?

I’m not sure about anyone else, but for me it feels like it’s going to take some effort to pull off. I need to change my habits, or maybe the cafe’s do.

I wonder if this would work? A reusable takeaway coffee cup system.

Firstly the cafe need to purchase a stock of reusable cups, probably two sizes.

  1. When we purchase our coffee in a reusable cup from our local cafe the first time we get our first coffee for free.
  2. When we return with our cup the Cafe give us a fresh one and put yesterday’s through their dishwasher (I teach Hygiene for Food Handlers, I have some concerns the consumer will not thoroughly wash their own cup) we get a small discount.
  3. The cycle continues.
  4. Eventually the cafe owners wont need to offer a discount as there will no longer be paper cups.

Does anyone else have any ideas to help the war on waste?

Also, does anyone have number 18 so my kid can complete his Marvel set?

The Shameful Sheep- A Response

I don’t know about anyone else, but I love reading a good blog. One of my favourites is the Shameful Sheep. I like her because, well she is shameful, and I like sheep, and she just rambles about random shit which sometimes makes me laugh. When people can’t remember my name I suggest that they use word association.

Shauna Sheep. Now it’s easy to remember, right?

I have just read her post, i want to murder you with love.

In this post she has replied to another blogger who has posted some questions, and in response has posted some new questions. Here are my answers.

If you could recommend ONE show right now, what would it be?

Who in hell has time for TV? Last time I sat down and watched a full series of anything it took me a year. My kids don’t sleep and if they do, I am that knackered at the end of the day I fall into a coma. The last series I was addicted to was Sex in the City, I just googled that and it ended in 2004. Where did that time go?
Would you rather spend the rest of your life with giant testicles on your chin, or having hooves instead of hands?

Testicles. I’ll need my hands to scratch them.
If you could choose any celebrity to hit the sheets with, who would it be?

Bold question Shameful. But it would have to be Brad Pitt. I am still stuck on his Thelma and Louise character though, because like TV, I don’ find much time for Movies with above a PG rating these days.
Who’s your favourite blogger around these parts? (Besides me, obviously!) 

Your parts are no where near my parts (which is why I put a u in favourite where you previously did not), but here in the land of Oz I have fondness for Hoorah for Gin, Constance Hall and Far Kew. Shannon Kelly of Shannon’s Kitchen the queen of making decent food sound like it is doing good shit for us whilst maintaining some reality of life is another fave. Look those chicks up. You might learn something new.

FFS School Photographers, we are living in the digital age.

The kids came home with their order forms for school photos last week.
Have you seen the price of these fuckers?

First Day of School.

First Day of School.

The cheapest option is to order a $26 group photo and if you have three hundred  twelve relatives who you would like to piss off impress by giving them pics of your offspring dressed in their finest school colours, then you are welcome to fork out $44 per child for the Premium Pack. But that’s not all! If you purchase one of the above packages you can also purchase an additional $15 gift pack including 3 bookmarks, 3 more photos, a door hanger, a calendar and, wait for it, 4 photo gift tags emblazoned with the face of the fruit of your loins.

But wait there’s more! As the parents of two school age life suckers children, we can choose to opt in for a family photo. I have no idea what this costs, because, if we want to go down this path, we have to pop into the school office and grab a different order form.

The thing that really gets on my goat when ordering school photos (that are yet to be taken) is that I don’t have a clue what they will look like. Has the photographer captured the kindness in our daughter’s heart? Have they captured the twinkle in our son’s eyes? Is his shirt still clean after fruit break? If I pay another hours wages to get a pic of them together will they look like they like each other? Or will the photographer be so fried after dealing with 400 plus kids, that it comes home looking like they are throwing daggers at the camera?

Then there is the question of what we do with them once we get them home? I don’t have a wall or a  shelf covered in family snaps, I should, but I’m too lazy, and if I did, they would be of fun and exciting adventures. So, I shove those school pics up in the top of the cupboard where they will slowly age until a time when the children leave home and I decide to make let them store them in their own cupboard or a school reunion happens and they suddenly want to remember who that kid was they were friends with in grade 1.

Photographers, I know you are trying to make a living, and I’m guessing you are doing OK based on this formula. 400* children’s parents buy the group photo at only @$26. That is $10,400 before you deduct your costs and I hope give the school a donation for their fundraising. Good on you, I hope you love swimming in your private pool filled with the tears of parents who have gone broke paying for school photos unicorns.

Looking for a pic for this post I found quite a few (hundred) photos of my kids wearing their school uniform performing a range of tasks either posing or just being themselves. It’s not like the old days when lots of people didn’t have a camera to take their own photos. In this digital age we can get decent quality pics for under $1.

The best system I have seen is when BC5 was at daycare/kinder. The photographer came in and took the photos, sent home proofs and we ordered what we wanted. I happily paid $9.50 per shot for three gorgeous pics of our kid and one group photo, and left the not so gorgeous ones for the photographer’s bin.

What do you think? Do you think the cost of school photos is over the top?

Have your opinion using this anonymous poll.

 

 

Back to School Routine. The bad, the good and the ugly.

stay-at-home-mumThis year I’ve been a stay at home mum for the entire summer break. We have gone to bed late, got out of bed late and eaten whenever we were hungry. Even though we have had an awesome summer, I was very excited yesterday to drop my kids at school for their first day in 2017.

GC8 is beginning grade 3 and BC5 is beginning grade 1. They were both a little concerned the night before about where they had to line up in the morning but both of them did as they should ate breaky,  left me at the gate with a kiss and a wave and went about their day.

I read a lot of comments on social media about how people hate school lunches and routine. I don’t hate either. I kind of try not to be a hater. I thought we had nailed that first day, and we were going to slip back into routine as naturally as a fish swims in the water.

But, parenting wouldn’t be parenting without a couple of fails…

  1. I put butter in CG8’s sandwich. Did I know I wasn’t supposed to? No, nope, narda, not at all. I copped some eye rolling about how dumb that was after school.
  2. I wouldn’t let her take a pencil case the first day, waiting to see what the teacher required. WELL….pencil cases are allowed, we don’t have shared cups of pencils any more, I’m in grade 3 you know.
  3. I hadn’t ironed the new school uniform and made her wear last years. She got it dirty. I swear she just got it dirty to spite me and make me iron the other one (I try not to hate, but I hate ironing).

But it wasn’t all bad. BC5 had a brilliant day. He has been running his own competition over the holidays called Child of the Day. Each evening I have to pronounce which one of them has been a better kid. He is still trying for that so…

  1. He ate every bit of his lunch, and loves butter, and I can do no wrong.
  2. He has shared pencils, just like last year, and it will all be good.
  3. He also came home dirty, but as he is a Boy Child, I am quite used to only getting one wear out of his t-shirt.

This morning is day 2 and we are back into routine.

  1. The children are not listening and wont eat their fucking (cooked) breakfast.
  2. The dress wasn’t ironed last night because the ironing fairies forgot to come as they were drinking red wine and eating gourmet dinner.
  3. I nearly put butter in the cucumber sandwich…again!
  4. When told to get dressed while I iron the stupid dress, they are busy looking for a particular Pokemon rubber off a pencil that wasn’t packed in the pencil case last night. It has to match the pencil, it can’t just be any kind. They are hanging out naked when I emerge with ironed dress.
  5. I start screaming for them to forget the fucking pencil, put on shoes, brush teeth and get in the fucking car in order to alert the neighbours that everything is back to normal.
  6. We almost forget drink bottles as they were getting filled when the dress crisis occurred, and I haven’t screwed on lids yet.
  7. As we drive to school GC8 tells me she hates me and  I respond in kind.

Isn’t it wonderful to know that we have our routine down pat after only two days?