Category Archives: Rant

“GAME of WAR” Widow

I Game of Warhave lost my husband. My kids have lost their dad, but before you start sending us letters and cards of sympathy, you should know, he is not dead. No. He is away battling others in an app. A very popular app which consumes so much of his time that our kids now roll their eyes and say shit like, ‘Dad wont do that, because, Game of War”.

From the minute he wakes MY (work) iPad is taken outside for his morning coffee and smoke. It then travels to the toilet to do whatever it is that makes men sit for so many minutes- WTF is with men and toilets?  When he returns from work there is a repeat of this action, then he sits in his “spot” outside, or has Doctor Sheldon Cooper would say in Big Bang Theory “single point of consistency in an ever changing world”, where he continues to communicate with his allies and plan strategies to attack their opponents, thus stripping them of hundreds of dollars worth of in app purchases which can never be recovered.

According to Wikipedia

The best you can do is not lose”, because a single attack can “destroy so much that it would take months of gameplay to recover… or 100 bucks”, , in contrast to other MMO games where players who spend money receive benefits that are permanent.

God help us if we need something done and the “Alliance” is about to attack another kingdom. We may as well be poo on the bottom of your shoe. It is real. The troops cannot be left alone. They could all die if he is not in attendance.

Aside from disinfecting the iPad regularly with Glen20, I am now weeding the vegie patch, which isn’t doing so well because in his words “I didn’t really care that much about preparing the soil this year” as well as other Gardening activities, which, in our marriage agreement were to fall on his shoulders as I HATE gardening.

GC8 says “if I ask Dad to make toast, he says one sec, and it takes him 30 minutes”. BC5 concurs.

He seems to know more about his online community than he does his Mates. He shares what we are having for dinner much as I do on Instagram and Facebook, but he shares with people he has never met and has never even had a Facey account. I am ‘Facebook friends’ with his friends and family just to keep them all in the loop as to what the children and I are up to while he is playing GoW.

The upside is I get to look at food pictures from around the world and occasionally one of his “friends” will share information that might spark some very welcome discussion (I am a talker, that’s why I write).

If you are also feeling a void in your life due to some type of app-diction, I want you to know you are not alone. I am here for you. In fact, I’d love a chat about your situation if you would like to have one.

Disclaimer; this content is not intended to cause haters against my husband. He is a loving and caring man even if he can be a bit slow to butter the toast.

 

Boobs Out Ladies- Let’s get some pics!

Always look after your boobs ladies.

Always look after your boobs ladies.

It’s that time of the year when I get a lot of messages through Facebook asking all of our female friends to post a symbol or word  [the theme seems to change every year, and I wont give this year’s away] on our Facebook wall to remember it is the week of breast cancer prevention. Sorry ladies, I haven’t done that yet, but…

…today  I have been for my regular mammogram and ultrasound. I was astonished when I realised that I have been doing this for a long time. Since 1996. This being said, I am pretty relaxed about it.

So today, I’m having my boob fed into the machine, the technician asks me to face the corner, relax my shoulder, hold this handle, look here, bend your knee, now hold still…and then I started to piss myself laughing (no, not literally). I am standing there with my tit in the sandwich press, envisioning myself a model in a photo shoot. Technically I am. I’m getting those photos to prove I still haven’t been slapped with the genetic C stick.

We also conversed about random stuff. How in 1996 I was sporting an A cup and how difficult those little titties can be to get in the sandwich press. How men need mammograms too, and how they can be a challenge.

I have to say, lightening the mood made it easier for me and easier for her. After my outburst of laughter we got about our business and got the job done.

On a serious note. Ladies, check your titties. Men, check your titties. Partners of Ladies and Men, check each other’s titties. If in doubt about any weird bits in titties, get another person to check it them out, preferably a professional, but feel free to ask others to feel your titties and give an opinion.

 

 

The Weir Bridge between Yarrawonga and Mulwala at capacity in October 2016

Who’s Livin’ in the 70s?

Judgement warning!

We live in a fantastic tourist destination called Yarrawonga. Together with it’s twin town Mulwala our population swells at Christmas and Easter and every other long weekend Australia has to offer. When the town is full we locals are required to deal with traffic. We have two sets of traffic lights in town. One to allow pedestrians to cross the road in the main street, the other to regulate a single carriageway over our weir bridge.

The Weir Bridge between Yarrawonga and Mulwala at capacity in October 2016

The Weir Bridge between Yarrawonga and Mulwala at capacity in October 2016

It means we have lots of time to watch people driving past while the whole main street is almost at a standstill. I usually shop early or late to avoid this, but not this time.

So, here I am, sitting in traffic. I notice a lady in her car smoking with her window down. I notice because I am still a little bit envious of people who can still smoke in their cars, in fact I am envious of people who smoke (old habits die hard). Then I notice a dog jumping around in the back seat. BUT then I notice a girl in the  front seat. She can’t be much older than my daughter (8), and she is eating some sort of take away food.

Fucking Hell Lady!! What are you thinking? Is that your kid you are slowly killing? If I asked you to slowly poison your dog, would you participate in the experiment? Do you think it is 1979 when my parents would simultaneously start the ignition and light a fag before we drove anywhere?

It has been illegal to smoke with a minor in the car with a minor since 2010,. It is also very bad manners to smoke while someone is eating. Even when I was not ashamed to smoke in public I would never smoke in the presence of anyone who was eating, let alone my kid who relies on me to keep them safe and preserve their life.

Now I am all about being a queen and preserving the sisterhood by not judging, but sorry, in this case I cannot help it.

Not good enough Queeny, not good enough!