Category Archives: Dining

How a Game of Football Gave Us a Spark.

 

wp-1486523804185.jpgLook at this photo and you will see what most Aussies see, a game of country football. But what happened here in Yarrawonga on Saturday was a lot more than that here at our place.

The things we do for charity! 

If you follow this link you will find the Dolphin Charity Football Game Facebook page. In short, the teams consist of generations of members of one family, the Runnalls, or the “Dolphins” against as many old buggers they can rope into playing “The Superstars”. The proceeds of the day go to the Yarrawonga Hospital Palliative Care Unit.

Until two days before the match we intended on going and supporting this great cause, but I had run into the main organiser in the street and he said, “Why didn’t I ask Fuzz to play?” Bloody good question young man, why not?

So I went home and told my hubby that he was to take his runners and a footy jumper down to the J.C. Lowe Oval for the match, not to worry too much, he would be only sitting on the bench. His initial reaction was immediate divorce. He instantly hated me for dobbing him in. He is 46 years old and has not played a game of football since 1993. Yep, half a lifetime ago.

I jibed him and told him he was a big sook, but in my heart I knew that he would love it! Every year as footy season approaches he tells me how he is going to make a comeback, he is at least going to train, or so he says. We have been together almost 13 years, and he has only ever talked about it.

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All stand for the National Anthem

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He did it. He ran out onto that ground, some kgs overweight, and he played football. I was amazed when he set up a goal in the first quarter, he looked like he knew what he was doing, and of course in his mind he did know what he was doing. The bench, in this instant, was designed that nobody would have to spend much time on the ground, and it was in the third quarter he returned to the field.

Of course by now we were expecting greatness, and when the ball came near him again, he believed it too. He saw that ball and had it in his sights. He felt 21 (his words) and he knew exactly how to pick that bit of pigskin out of the air. As he made his move, his age and fitness caught up with him and twang, his hamstring was strung. From the sidelines we knew he was a goner as he limped off.

But the thing is he did it. Our kids have never seen him play anything except some backyard antics. wp-1486523704293.jpg

As I iced his legs and fetched his beer that night I told him proud I was. I meant it! He got of his arse and off the iPad long enough to have a great day out. His kids saw a man they had never met and we had something to laugh about.

A few beers later and he thanked me for “making” him do it. He admitted that he has wished to have a reason to run out on the field one more time. He felt freaking awesome and we had shared something we can laugh about for a long time.

Isn’t it amazing how a few beers and a shared experience can add a little spark to our world?

P.S. There was over $12,000 raised. A fantastic result for all those involved. Congratulations to the organisers.

 

 

 

Are You Like a Queen?

A peaceful afternoon on the couch.

Thanks to one of my Queens I have just put down the hilariously funny book Like a Queen written by Constance Hall. Thank you Sister for the loan, you know who you are.

Reading Constance’s journey of motherhood, sisterhood, wifehood and very relatable anxiety has made me laugh and cry out loud. I have to admit something.

I am writing to confess.

I have not been a good Queen.

I judged someone when I wrote Who’s Livin’ in the 70s just two weeks ago. I even wrote these words, ‘Now I am all about being a queen and preserving the sisterhood by not judging, but sorry, in this case I cannot help it.’  I admit it. I judged.

I began that post beginning with the words Judgement Warning! I got the most hits ever for one of my blogs. I smashed my previous stats, and it was making me feel good. I had more than double the views of my next most popular post, and I even began to think it might even go viral as I was getting hits world wide.

My inflated ego was quickly popped when one of the most respected sisters pointed out to me that I had been a bit mean in judging #ladywhosmokesincarwithkidwhileeating. She wanted to know when my halo had suddenly straightened and I had become perfect.

Rest assured my halo is still sideways and my angel wings are a little ruffled.

Thus said, it resonated with me that #queensunite is a bloody good idea. Not only will we be able to share our stories, but our kings might also enjoy a laugh or get a glimpse as to WTF goes though our heads.

So get your judgement caps off sisters, and put your sharing boots on.

Let’s love and support one another to be the best we can x

 

Madly Menopausal Mum

Fuck you Menopause. Two years of being an arsehole to my family and friends and  I can finally give you the finger. All of those sleepless nights and hot flushes have finally come to an end. No, I haven’t finished, but I have that shit under control.

Thanks to the wonders of ancient medicine.  Two rounds of acupuncture and some Chinese herbal capsules and I am sleeping.

Sleeping = not such a bitch. My kids no longer see me as this all the time.mean-face

 

Worst thing is as an older mum, like lots of parents these days, I have little people at home who stress the crap out of me on a good day, without throwing in some hormone imbalance and general nastiness. They have copped the worst of me, let the times change for their sake. If it was the old days, I would be entertaining my grandchildren and not permanently caring for two primary schoolers who should have a young, cool, hot mum.

To any other women out there who are wondering why they have become short fused, prickly,  sweaty bitches. Get your hormones checked and when you’re told there’s not much you can do about it, get yourself some alternative therapy. One concern was me getting pregnant which would involve sex. I have been such a cow my husband wont even look at me, let alone throw me over and give me one.

My newfound niceness means I might spend some quality time with our children and perhaps fit a few minutes of parent sex in now and then.

 

Let it Go

Sometimes we find ourselves grieving but the person still walks the earth. It could be an ex lover, a friend or a family member. 

I have felt this grief. Something happened. Something I have no control over. I can’t change the past. I can’t change the decisions made. I can’t change the outcomes. I don’t own a Dolorian for time travel. The pain I feel in my heart is strong. That tearing your heart into pieces feeling.

At times it is so intense I want to spew. At times I am so angry I lash out at other loved ones (sorry dear, kind people). When talking about this my blood boils. I consume too much alcohol thinking about it. I shout. I swear. I have let it effect me. 

The time has come. I must let it go. I accept we can never be the same. I accept the things I cannot change. 

But I will never stop remembering the good times, because they were good and there have been many. You have changed our future, but you can never take our past away.

Memories cannot be erased. Time can change things but we cannot change the things which happen over time.

I release myself. I am free.




Boobs Out Ladies- Let’s get some pics!

Always look after your boobs ladies.

Always look after your boobs ladies.

It’s that time of the year when I get a lot of messages through Facebook asking all of our female friends to post a symbol or word  [the theme seems to change every year, and I wont give this year’s away] on our Facebook wall to remember it is the week of breast cancer prevention. Sorry ladies, I haven’t done that yet, but…

…today  I have been for my regular mammogram and ultrasound. I was astonished when I realised that I have been doing this for a long time. Since 1996. This being said, I am pretty relaxed about it.

So today, I’m having my boob fed into the machine, the technician asks me to face the corner, relax my shoulder, hold this handle, look here, bend your knee, now hold still…and then I started to piss myself laughing (no, not literally). I am standing there with my tit in the sandwich press, envisioning myself a model in a photo shoot. Technically I am. I’m getting those photos to prove I still haven’t been slapped with the genetic C stick.

We also conversed about random stuff. How in 1996 I was sporting an A cup and how difficult those little titties can be to get in the sandwich press. How men need mammograms too, and how they can be a challenge.

I have to say, lightening the mood made it easier for me and easier for her. After my outburst of laughter we got about our business and got the job done.

On a serious note. Ladies, check your titties. Men, check your titties. Partners of Ladies and Men, check each other’s titties. If in doubt about any weird bits in titties, get another person to check it them out, preferably a professional, but feel free to ask others to feel your titties and give an opinion.

 

 

Are you being served? 6 ways to help me serve you better.

When I go to work as your server, I like to think I know my job. As a matter of fact, I do know my job. I also have good manners and etiquette.  Unfortunately for professional wait staff the world over, some employers are more than happy to employ staff with little to no experience for shitty wages, and then forget to train them to be awesome, thus giving our profession a bad wrap at times.

As I recently pointed out in my post 6 ways to keep me happy if you are my wait person, this could be because customers don’t care about good service or they have just accepted it will not happen. Well I would like to say that I do care about good service and have much pride in providing it if I was your server.

Today I am going to give it to you straight from my perspective as your server…

What pisses me off?

  1. Not listening. I have seated you, introduced myself, provided you with menus (both food and drink), explained the daily specials and of the days, where to read about them on the various blackboards located around the room and offered you a drink. I return with water and the drinks you have ordered and you ask me what the fish of the day is. Because I am a professional, I smile at you and tell you again, you then order the steak.
  2. Lack of etiquette. Your side plate is on your left. Your glass is on your right. Your napkin is for wiping your mouth, not your snotty nose. Because I am professional, and you pay my wages, I will not  ask if your mother would be proud of the way she brought you up. I smile and get your friend a clean side plate or glass.
  3. Taking drinks off my tray. Just don’t do it. Please. My little fingers are buckled under that tray acting like shock absorbers. When I take a glass off the tray, my brain knows how to adjust the weight. When you take a glass from the tray, all the glasses topple over and I spill drinks everywhere and look like a clutz. Because I am professional, I smile. I refrain from throwing the leftover drinks at your white shirt, and I clean up the mess and write of the spillage.
  4. Tilting your glass when I pour your beer. Because I am professional, I know how to pour a beer at the table. No need to help. In fact when you do help I fuck it up. But don’t despair, my smile is there. I will let you ‘fix’ my mistake by taking over, and you will miss out on the awesomeness which is my service.
  5. Piling up plates to help. Sorry helpers, this does not help. You see, we professionals know how to carry plates, deliver plates and clear plates. clearing platesWe do it one at a  time and we do it easily.  When you pile those suckers up, you make them too heavy to lift off the table with one hand. You stack the cutlery randomly and it gives me the shits. Because I am professional, I smile, I move past your pile of plates and continue to clear the table. I then make an extra trip back from the kitchen to use my two hands to pick them up.
  6. Treating me like shit. Hi there. I am a human. I chose a career in hospitality. I love the industry. I am not a servant in a classist society. I choose to give you awesome service as a means of making money. Working in the hospitality industry is so much fun most of the time. I don’t need some dick wad to treat me like shit and fuck up my mood. Because I am professional, I will ignore the way you looked down your nose at me and used simple language. I will refrain from becoming so pissed off with you that I ‘accidentally’ spill soup in your lap. But most of all I will smile.

I will keep the smile on my dial. At least until I get through the kitchen doors.

Happy dining.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you being served? 6 ways to keep me happy if you are my wait person.

When I go out and pay others to cook for me and others to wait on me I expect, at a minimum, the kind of table service which reflects good table manners.

It seems of late that people either don’t care about good service or have just accepted it will not happen. Well I would like to say that I do care about good service and have much pride in providing it if I was your server.

So, I expect you are waiting for it….

What pisses me off?

  1. Not talking to me. At the very least when I enter a premises I would like to be acknowledged. Eye contact and a nod of the head will do. Just please don’t pretend I am not there. I am. I have cash. I will spend it. I will bring friends if you are nice. I pay some of your wages which equals your bills.
  2. Talking to me, but not asking me if you can help. You have walked to the table. It is a place of table service. You drop a menu in front of me. I know I would like a drink, I love drinks, but you have gone before I can order one. The more drinks I drink, the better equipped you will be to pay your bills.
  3. Serving our table one plate at a time. The art of sending all meals out together is taught to chefs and wait staff universal. The food is prepared so as it all comes out together. If it cannot be all served together, apologise to the customer and explain. Good table manners prevents me from starting my meal until all food has arrived. If my food has gone cold I will not enjoy it. If I enjoy the meal and the service is awesome. I tip. This will help you pay your bills.
  4. Removing an empty glass without asking whether I would like another drink. Perhaps I should remind you. I LOVE DRINKS. I might only need more water, regardless, please offer me more. The more drinks I have the more generous I become. This could lead to a bigger tip. You might be able to pay some bigger bills.
  5. Clearing our plates before everyone at the table has finished. My blood is boiling just thinking about this one.
    How a knife and fork look when you have finished your meal

    How a knife and fork look when you have finished your meal

    Do not clear our plates until the last morsel has been devoured. I mean it, the last morsel of food. Don’t guess this. If you are uncertain as to whether the customer is finished, ask them. Those of us who were taught manners will have our knife and fork placed together in the centre of the plate to indicate that we have finished. If you follow this common courtesy I will return to your establishment and bring more friends, spend more money and help you to pay your bills.

  6. Avoiding bringing the bill. We have eaten. There is nothing left for you to sell us and yet you have disappeared without a trace or are avoiding eye contact again. We require the bill so we can pay you. You guessed it. If we pay our bills you can pay yours.

These six are just the tip of the iceberg. Underneath lies a range of other crappy practices which has turned dining out into eating somewhere. Don’t even get me started on the customers who don’t know which side plate is theirs, whose glass is whose and who pile up their plates in order to help the server. Those topics are for another day when I look at this from the server’s perspective.