Fuck You Book Week and other stories.

Wally Hat

Wally Hat

I love book week. What a brilliant concept, educating the masses that reading is fun and giving all the little people who are at school a chance to dress up as their favourite characters. I have even been the volunteer who sits in a shop and reads to the gorgeous ones as they do a tour of the street, showing off their costumes on one special day.

This year I did my best to be ready for book week well before the eve of said dress up day. But being prepared reared up it’s ugly head and bit me in the arse.

Firstly, let’s go back to March when I tried to buy outfits in Bali, what a time and place to shop the costume store. There were many a silky princess dress to be found. Alas, we did not purchase a princess dress, because miss pooh head wants to be Holly O’Hair (Rapunzel’s daughter in the Ever After High series) and none of the dresses were quite (let’s say) purple enough. I left the gorgeous (cheap) shop with a pirate outfit thinking that master good child could go as Tough Boris, and a knowledge that come August I will be wishing I had just sneaked a purplish dress into the shopping and pulled it out in surprise at a later date.

But good children often turn to shit, and now that the time is here, he hates Tough Boris and LOVES Where’s Wally. So Saturday I left our little town to shop the shit out of the next bigger city where Spotlight, Kmart and Big W are found. I knew in my heart I was going to be making a skirt for a princess, and creating an outfit for an adventurer so off we set to find the perfect costume pieces.

In Big W I could be heard yelling across the toy section to focus on the job at hand. I could not give two fucks what toys you guys ‘want’, I can barely find the floor in three rooms of the house as it is. Where the hell are the dress ups? We did three laps of the store, including two toilet stops within 10 minutes of each other, looking for something Wallyish, at least Wally Watcherish. I had several discussions with other parents, all on the same mission, apparently Kmart only have small sized outfits left, there’s not much variety here and the costumes are over that way. I walked over that way, and just as I was about to give up, asked a store attendant where are the fucking costumes? Just down the aisle with the coke at the end, with the party stuff. Right, of course, that’s logical (not). Nothing ready made was what my cherubs were after and I couldn’t even find a pair of Wally glasses. As we walked out with our new shoes, toys and other crap, I finally found a ladies t-shirt of the red and white striped variety. Plan B was found.

Holly's Skirt

Holly’s Skirt

Next stop Spotlight to find some floral fabric for this skirt. Not too painful. She chose reasonably quickly, but I couldn’t help but notice the madness that this costume shopping had created. Parents everywhere were looking harried. They had a rep to uphold as the crafty parent who had this costume shit covered. Staff were dressed as characters from Alice, the cool Cheshire Cat cut us some not floral fabric and binding and sent us on our way. As we browsed our way out the potential princess muttered something I couldn’t hear and would not repeat the statement, based on how I wouldn’t get it anyway. Blood pressure climbing I bit my tongue as I waited not very patiently in line at the checkout were the lollies were at eye level and I had to continually say no. No, not that one either. What part of no don’t you understand?

 

As we drove to Kmart for the one toy that could not be purchased anywhere else, I made the rules. We go in, look exactly where it should be and then leave if we can’t find it. I need lunch.

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Wally

A quick trip back to Big W where I flew in and purchased the t-shirt I should have bought two hours ago and an executive decision is made. I choose where we eat.

We went to a nice hotel for lunch. Somewhere they sell wine and delicious offerings. I ordered a pasta to level my mood and a glass of Sauv Blanc to compliment it. Both offspring managed to eat, drink and behave beautifully, and the result was a calmer mum who loves book week again.

A bit of fun with the sewing machine and making a pompom on Sunday and I am all ready for Thursday’s parade. I even found nerd glasses for Wally in the junk shop. My offspring are grateful for the time I spent and are kind of surprised how clever I am. We had lots of cuddles Sunday night and watched a movie together as I was too tired to read them a book.

 

 

 

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