I’ve been studying to become a Marriage Celebrant.
Recently I was asked “Why the hell would you want to do that?”
Bloody good question really.
Bridezillas, mother of the Bride(zillas), blended family moments were all coming to this friend’s mind. She was thinking that it would be horrid to have to deal with. Well that’s what I took from it. But I believe in the goodness of humanity and those “horrid” people only become horrid when stuff goes bad.
You see it’s a funny thing really. As a small girl I suppose I did think a handsome prince would ride up on his trusty steed and sweep me off to his kingdom far, far away. Far away from my family home and having to watch my parents marriage failing. (Thanks Disney).
And there’s the thing. I did watch my parents marriage end and after watching it I vowed and declared that marriage was not for me. I am never having kids. I dug my heals in and said that living together is just the same as marriage and that would be good enough for me.
In my twenties I got engaged. We were in love. We lived together. We were young. We had different ideals. Eventually that relationship ran it’s course and I thank the universe we never got married and had kids. With the wisdom of hindsight, I can look back and see that if I really did want to get married, I would have done something about setting the date and organising the party. Parties are my thing. It’s what I do well.
In my thirties I hooked up with my husband. I can’t say met, because we met many years earlier as we lived in the same small town. We had always known each other and had mutual friends. We were friends. We had even kissed after a party when I was 15 and he was 17.
We used to party and party hard. When we got home after closing we would crank up the music and continue dancing until the wee hours of the morning. A dear friend said to me how he was romancing me. I scoffed. She was right. He rode up on his trusty steed <insert dream sequence here>, OK, reality check. He walked me home with his bike, ready to return to his place.
I moved in pretty quickly, a) because I was in love, b) because the rent was cheap, and c) because I was living with my mum and her partner. I was still in business then, so I wasn’t home that much.
A couple of years later I was working at the club. The business had folded by then, but I still spent a lot of hours at work, and all nights. Dear Husband was out in the main lounge having some drinks with my aunt and her friend. I went out of the dining area into the casino lounge for my smoke break (oh how times have changed!) and he said to me, “We have just decided on the date for our wedding”. A bit weird, as I was not involved in the conversation, but lovely that that was what was being discussed. We had never done the proposal thing properly or anything.
So that night when I got home, to the house we had built together, he proposed. Sort of. Pissed, but he meant it. He wanted to live with me until he was ninety (I pretend to count down to that time), and he wanted to be married. His mum and dad still are married, his views were a bit different from mine.
Months later I was shopping and found a ring for him to buy me. As you can see, none of this process is the traditional fairy tale. I made him pay for it, even though we already had shared accounts and a home together. The following year we got married.
So why and I writing this? What changed? You are probably saying FFS, get to the point.
We changed. We changed for the better. We are now a married couple. When I talk about him I call him my husband. When he talks about me he calls me his wife. It is different. It is a commitment for life (or at least until he turns 90, wink). We fell pregnant immediately and welcomed GC8 into our world 40 weeks later.
We will be married 10 years in November and we have had our share of shit to deal with. But we have done just that. I don’t like him every second of every day, but I do love him. Standing with our friends and making that commitment changed us in a good way. Unlike my first “engagement” I can’t just walk out on him. There is heaps of legal stuff (and two little people) standing in our way now. That legal stuff is what the same sex couples are striving for when they talk of marriage equality.
We stood before our nearest and dearest and we vowed to stand by each other forever.
So to you my friend who wanted to know Why?
I wish to be the person who performs the ceremony to cement the relationship. I wish to share the joy of making the commitment to one another. I wish to share the love with you and your loved ones. I will help write vows and find the words you are looking for. I wish for a lifetime of happiness.