Don’t Call Me Charlie

My kids hate it when they’re having a bad day. I get all theatrical and sing them songs of happiness and inspiration.

Do you remember the song in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? You know it, “Cheer Up Charlie”. If not, here’s the link to remind you.

https://youtu.be/caMIkwTPBwA

BC6 woke up this morning in a mood to darken the brightest of days. No hugs, eye rolling practice and general moodiness and disrespect. When I likened his behaviour to that of a tweenage girl GC8 rolled her eyes and stated she’s not even that bad (not going to challenge her on that comment as I’m already dealing with one poo head). He then stormed to his room and slammed the door.

As much as I wish my kids were happy, and well behaved, ALL the time, they are small humans. We need our downs so we can appreciate our ups. Me antagonising them with songs just makes them darker and more pissed off than ever. Clearly I need to take a check of my arseholeness (new word) and stop being a bitch to them.

I don’t know why I do it. I hate it when my dear husband tries lame jokes to cheer me up. Sometimes I just want to wallow in my darkness and discontent and our children should be allowed the same rights.

As I dropped them at the school gate thus morning I called after them “Love you, have a great day” just as I do every morning.

GC8 replied “love you Mum, I will”.

BC6 almost automatically replied then caught himself and trudged off, eyes downcast until I was out of sight.

Is it me? Does he reflect the mood I am in? I am in some minor pain and discomfort at the moment depending on how long since I popped a painkiller. My house is filthy because I can’t push a vacuum or mop. This increases my anxiety and turns me into loony, frustrated, psycho mum.

Sorry little dude.

I hope your day gets much better and I get lots of hugs when you get home xx

Madly Menopausal Mum #2

When you feel flat feed it…

It’s been a bloody long time (LOL, bloody, sorry, not sorry for my personal amusement) since I’ve had to purchase the old feminine hygiene products, but I think there is still a hint of a cycle which fucks with my system.

When I’m feeling flat as a tack I feed it. Yep, iron rich lambs fry and bacon.

I possibly will not be adorning this with vegetables, possibly wont even make it to a plate, I’ll carnivore that shiz out of the pan.

As a kid I held the bowl in readiness for the livers to be extracted from the still steaming sheep guts after uncles and dad had cut a few throats. Sounds quite barbaric, but it was just farm life. 

My other job was to roll cigarettes. Three different thicknesses for three different men. I stuck them in their mouths and made sure they stayed alight.

Hells Bells! Imagine asking our precious children to do that now! They would be taken away…mmmm…taken away! 

Kids, wanna learn how to slaughter a sheep?

When Did We All Forget About the Environment?

Well shitballs! Hasn’t the new show War on Waste got us all talking about our environment?

I’m a bit bothered about this. Why? Because I thought we knew a lot of this stuff. I do, and I do my best to reduce, reuse and recycle.

Recently I made a comment on the book of faces regarding how much I despise the Woolworths Marvel collector series. Not because I am mean. Not because I don’t wont my kids to have fun. It’s because I can see the land being filled with more and more plastic the more these types of promotions occur. I get pissed off with the packaging which I often have to gently remind (yell at) them to pick up from the floor and put in the landfill bin. I wonder what I will do with this collection when the novelty wears off. After all, every kid has them, they are of no value, I can’t sell them. There is the possibility of passing them down to a younger child who probably wont want them because the hype is over. 

You might be thinking don’t let them get them Shauna, you are the parent. Well clearly I suck at parenting. But that’s for another post.

The chatter this week is the takeaway coffee cup. Boy has this raised some conversation. Did you know technically we can recycle those cups, except, we can’t. The sippy lid, you go for it. Throw it in the recycle. The cup looks like paper, feels like paper but it has a fine coating of polymer to stop the liquid seeping through. There is no processing plant for these, perhaps we could create some jobs by building a recycling plant.

My Morning Coffee

I knew this. I separate my lid from my cup when I toss it. I make this choice. I am a shit human, or am I?

Many cafe’s have offered the option of filling your environmentally friendly reusable cup for years. Not many people take them up.

Why? Because we are lazy or busy?

I’m not sure about anyone else, but for me it feels like it’s going to take some effort to pull off. I need to change my habits, or maybe the cafe’s do.

I wonder if this would work? A reusable takeaway coffee cup system.

Firstly the cafe need to purchase a stock of reusable cups, probably two sizes.

  1. When we purchase our coffee in a reusable cup from our local cafe the first time we get our first coffee for free.
  2. When we return with our cup the Cafe give us a fresh one and put yesterday’s through their dishwasher (I teach Hygiene for Food Handlers, I have some concerns the consumer will not thoroughly wash their own cup) we get a small discount.
  3. The cycle continues.
  4. Eventually the cafe owners wont need to offer a discount as there will no longer be paper cups.

Does anyone else have any ideas to help the war on waste?

Also, does anyone have number 18 so my kid can complete his Marvel set?

The Magic of Coffee and Motherhood

I was having a coffee in bed, reading a book when BC6 came in for a cuddle and asked why I wasn’t using my mug he got me for Mothers Day. 

Dread

Because it was dirty from me eating berries out of it last night (and my usual mug is almost twice the size).

Phew. Truth in the answer.

But the next day it was clean, and I knew I had to start the day with my new favourite mug.

Being Mum in a Million is hard work, and a lot of thought went into my gifts, so I’m going to enjoy two cups every day out of this mug until he stops noticing I’m drinking out of it, I get used to it or it breaks.

Through the Magic of Coffee I do look a lot better before going out and facing the world.

Parenting 101 – Confession Time

When this popped up in my newsfeed recently I laughed out loud, snorted my coffee and looked around for someone to share with.

Obviously I am mum #2.

I try Really hard to be mum #1, but nope, I told you so is definately on my play list.

Let’s recall one of these situations.

Me to GC8 who was then about 4 or 5.

Me: don’t jump on the couch

Jumps on couch

Me: I mean it, stop jumping on the couch.

Jumps on couch

Me: I’m trying to get some work done, will you PLEASE stop jumping on the couch?

Jumps on couch

Me: FFS will you stop jumping on the fucking couch?!?!!?

Jumps on couch

Couch cushion dislodges

Small girl takes a spectacular crash, arms and legs in all directions, smashes her lip on the way down

Blood

Tears

Me: Sucked in

Dear Husband: poor love, come on we’ll get you a washer and clean off that blood

DH Throws death look at me which armies should patent, he could kill many men with his death look.

At some point I supppose I should get off my arse and see if she’s ok.

Go to bathroom. Lots of blood. Discussion about whether it warrants medical attention. We decide due to many factors – after hours, living in rural area, nearest emergency being 50km away, I had wine in system and cannot drive, DH hates driving…bleeding subsides, it’s not that bad, she’ll be right.

DH: Would you like an icy pole?

GC: Yes please Dad (through snot and tears and red face)

Crisis over!

GC still has very small scar on lip as a reminder that I need to work on my parenting skills.

The Shameful Sheep- A Response

I don’t know about anyone else, but I love reading a good blog. One of my favourites is the Shameful Sheep. I like her because, well she is shameful, and I like sheep, and she just rambles about random shit which sometimes makes me laugh. When people can’t remember my name I suggest that they use word association.

Shauna Sheep. Now it’s easy to remember, right?

I have just read her post, i want to murder you with love.

In this post she has replied to another blogger who has posted some questions, and in response has posted some new questions. Here are my answers.

If you could recommend ONE show right now, what would it be?

Who in hell has time for TV? Last time I sat down and watched a full series of anything it took me a year. My kids don’t sleep and if they do, I am that knackered at the end of the day I fall into a coma. The last series I was addicted to was Sex in the City, I just googled that and it ended in 2004. Where did that time go?
Would you rather spend the rest of your life with giant testicles on your chin, or having hooves instead of hands?

Testicles. I’ll need my hands to scratch them.
If you could choose any celebrity to hit the sheets with, who would it be?

Bold question Shameful. But it would have to be Brad Pitt. I am still stuck on his Thelma and Louise character though, because like TV, I don’ find much time for Movies with above a PG rating these days.
Who’s your favourite blogger around these parts? (Besides me, obviously!) 

Your parts are no where near my parts (which is why I put a u in favourite where you previously did not), but here in the land of Oz I have fondness for Hoorah for Gin, Constance Hall and Far Kew. Shannon Kelly of Shannon’s Kitchen the queen of making decent food sound like it is doing good shit for us whilst maintaining some reality of life is another fave. Look those chicks up. You might learn something new.

Motivate. Weight. xlr8.

So it’s been 14 months since I sat here and wrote I Choose to Lose. And guess what?

I failed!

I really didn’t choose to lose at all. All I did was write it down and hope that by doing so, I would start watching my food intake and exercise more, and miraculously my clothes would start fitting better, and even might even begin to get too big.

Well those big clothes I bought are getting smaller, and I have in fact gained another 4 kg since writing that blog post.

It’s no secret that reducing the carbs in your diet will help you to lose weight, but what I am learning at the moment is some of us need help to understand how many hidden carbs are in our food, and what we consider healthy, might in fact be healthy, but while trying to lose weight should be avoided.

Point in fact. I bought “low-carb” cider as a summer alternative to my usual drink of choice red wine. Well that was dumb. The cider has 13.1 gm of carbs per stubby. I was better off on the wine. My other drink of choice is scotch and soda, an almost carb free alternative. So, given I had a broken toe, laid about on the outdoor furniture drinking cider all summer, I am feeling the pressure on my waist bands.

So when I saw this clip on the news a couple of weeks back, I decided to have a look into Rae’s product and see if I should in fact give it a go. After all, she is from Wangaratta, not far away from Yarrawonga, and she knows someone I know (good old country life).

Unlike Rae, I have not battled with my weight for years. It has only been since having kids, turning 40, changing hospitality to desk work and stopping smoking that I have slowly, but surely been banking the kilos.

In 2013-14 I tried another product, this was the first time in my life I had seriously made a decision to diet and I did in fact lose weight. It worked as an appetite suppressant and I basically halved my meals and made sure I had a Tupperware container of almonds on me as my staple snack.  I took one drink in the morning, kept my water up and found it reasonably easy to do. But, I didn’t believe I should need to continue taking a supplement for the rest of my life to maintain my weight, so I went off it, and back out on my own.

What that product didn’t teach me was that I need to change the way I eat and drink to maintain this weight. In fact, I barely changed what I ate at all, I just ate less. When my appetite came back, so did my habits.

So I got on the xlr8 website and started exploring. One of the things I was really happy to hear was that Rae isn’t trying to sell us a product that we will be on forever, but rather, a product that will assist with cravings and block hunger while we retrain ourselves to eat for a healthy life. I also private messaged our mutual friend and asked her how her journey was going. She was loving it, and being a red wine lover like myself, I believed her.

So, Sunday, I ordered the xlr8. Since then I have been checking carbs using the super user friendly free app, and without even starting on the product, I’ve already lost 1 kg in 4 days.

This favourite skirt of mine is beginning to get tight around the waist, so it is going to be my measuring stick for the next few months.

This time I’ve got it.

I choose to lose!